Behind every good lawyer, there is a wonderful staff. Usually a sassy assistant, a savvy paralegal, or an all knowing, mother-like legal secretary that calls you “Shugah” and brings cookies to the office.

The characters in the daily play that is a law firm usually can run the office like clockwork. A good lawyer can leave the office and trust that all things in motion are working for the good of the clients and the firm.

I haven’t had that experience yet. Since I moved to brick in mortar back in July of 2018, I have discovered that good help REALLY is hard to find. I had an assistant. We worked together for almost three months. It was an ok-work relationship. I didn’t expect it to be longterm or anything. Then one day she asked for the afternoon off and I never saw her again. I don’t miss her.

I posted a job opening for a legal assistant and I do believe the worst candidates who could possibly apply honed in on the opening and collectively decided they would waste my time.

Resumes flooded my email. Resumes that were not specifically tailored to the job position. Resumes that went on for pages and pages, detailing nothing at all that was remarkable. Resumes that saw nary a proof read or a final draft.

Against my better judgement, I decided to conduct phone interviews with some of the candidates. This time, the wasting of my time was my fault. I was totally dumbfounded at the phone etiquette of these applicants. One applicant loudly played with her baby while I tried to ask her questions. Another applicant brazenly hung up in my face when I asked about her extensive legal knowledge that she placed on her resume. One young man said he did not know how to use a printer and had never owned a computer. Still another young man said he had pending legal issues that he hoped wouldn’t stop him from working for a law firm. Another young man addressed his cover letter and resume to the wrong company.

I think I was Punk’d. There’s just no way this was remotely representative of the current job pool. I finally found an assistant through a referral. But that wasn’t enough.

After assessing my needs and checking the budget, I decided to hire another attorney to help me the swiftly growing needs of my office. I thought it might be nice to have a fellow lawyer to smoke cigars with on the balcony after a long day of court like Alan Shore and Denny Crane from Boston Legal.

I posted a job opening.

Boy.

That is all I will say on that.

 

Anyway, any attorney out there that want to be an attorney and stay an attorney, and don’t have to worry about the senior partner trying to be… all in the hearings, all on the record, objecting… come to Death Row! I mean Jones Law Office.